Rethinking “Wifely Duties”: From Obligation to Mutual Desire and Respect

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In the realm of marriage and intimate relationships, the term “wifely duties” conjures images of a bygone era, where roles were rigidly defined, and expectations were set in stone. Among these antiquated notions, the idea that wives have a ‘duty’ to fulfill their husband’s sexual needs is perhaps one of the most controversial and outdated. It’s time we shift the conversation from duty to mutual desire and respect, championing a more modern, egalitarian approach to marital intimacy.

The Problem with “Duty”

The concept of sexual relations as a ‘duty’ within marriage not only undermines the importance of consent but also diminishes the potential for genuine intimacy and connection. When one partner feels obligated to satisfy the other’s needs, it strips away the joy and spontaneity that come with desire-driven intimacy for BOTH partners. Men want women who truly desire them. When women approach sex as an obligation, it leaves men feeling emptier and unconnected. Men in committed relationships dont want to “just get off”; they want passionate sexual connection with their spouse. The same is true for women. When women approach sex as a “duty” they are left feeling used. The result is a cycle of frustration that leads to indifference making it harder and harder to find genuine connection.

Cultivating Mutual Desire and Respect

A healthy sexual relationship is built on the foundation of mutual desire, respect, and open communication. It’s about recognizing each other’s needs, boundaries, and comfort levels, and navigating those waters together, with empathy and understanding. Here are some key points to consider:

  • Communication is Key: Open, honest dialogue about sexual needs, desires, and boundaries is crucial. Couples should feel comfortable discussing what they enjoy, what they’re curious about, and where their limits lie, without fear of judgment.
  • Consent is Paramount: Every sexual encounter should be rooted in enthusiastic consent from both partners. Consent is not a one-time checkbox but an ongoing conversation, where either partner has the freedom to say yes or no at any time.
  • Desire is Dynamic: Sexual desire can ebb and flow due to a myriad of factors, including stress, health issues, and life changes. Acknowledging this fluidity can alleviate pressure and open up space for other forms of intimacy when desire is low.
  • Equality in the Bedroom: Both partners should feel empowered to initiate and express their desires, and share the responsibility for the sexual health and happiness of the relationship.
  • Quality Over Quantity: In our fast-paced world, it’s easy to get caught up in the numbers game of how often, how long, how many. But the quality of sexual encounters, characterized by presence, connection, and mutual pleasure, is far more important than quantity.

Moving Forward

Transforming the notion of “wifely duties” into a conversation about mutual desire and respect is not just about improving the sexual dynamics of a marriage. It’s about fostering a deeper, more respectful partnership in all aspects of the relationship. By challenging outdated norms and embracing a more egalitarian approach, couples can cultivate a more satisfying, respectful, and loving connection.

In the end, the goal is to create a partnership where both individuals feel valued, respected, and desired — not out of obligation, but out of a genuine, shared connection. It’s about creating a space where intimacy thrives on mutual enthusiasm and respect, paving the way for a more fulfilling and equitable relationship.

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Sexless Marriage? Reclaim Your Masculinity and Your Life

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Do you consider yourself a good man? A man that works hard and “brings home the bacon”, treats his wife with respect and love, helps around the house, does his best to be a loving father? Yet despite these nobel attributes find yourself constantly rebuked by your spouse? Don’t worry! You are far from alone!

There is an epidemic of sexless marriages across the country. We have scoured the internet trying to find the causes and solutions to this problem. Why did your wife show you so much sexual affection early in your relationship, but has now gone cold? If you are a good man you have likely tried everything from rubbing her feet every night, to doing the dishes, to cooking meals, all while still bringing home a paycheck to pay the bills… After all, you are a good man! You are just hoping that by decreasing the stress in her life you will be able to reignite that passion she once had. The sad truth is it is very unlikely to help because you have been slowly emasculated.

When a woman first meets her future husband she sees him as a man; a man that can get things done, be a leader for their future family; a man that can “bring home the bacon”. This causes a physical attraction that leads to the physical intimacy that men crave, and quite frankly need. However, as the relationship continues she starts to see your small flaws, the chinks in your armor so to speak. The affection fades, and in many relationships it disappears completely. Meanwhile the man is left wondering why? You do your damndest to solve the problem. You buy her things, place her on a pedastal, worship her every move. Still no affection… What is going on? She no longer sees you as that strong leader; she sees you as a comfortable roommate. A roommate that will help pay the bills, and raise the kids, and do the dishes, but not a man who will lead and take control. You have been slowly emasculated.

So what is the fix? Take back your “manliness”. The hardest part of fixing a sexless marriage is convincing your wife that you are that man she fell in love with many years ago. Continue to treat her with respect and love, but start spending some time on becoming a “beast of a man”. A man capable of courage, restraint, and self control… A man who is strong, both mentally, and physically. We have put together a brief guide below to help men reclaim their masculinity. Will this fix your relationship? Will the affection and sexual passion return? We have no idea, but at the very leas you will have bettered yourself, and even if she doesn’t notice, you will! And that is a win in our book…

Building the Foundation

Physical Fitness:

Start with basic cardio (walking, jogging) 6 times a week for 30 minutes to an hour. Incorporate basic strength training exercises 4 times a week (pushups and situps). Gradually increase intensity. Include interval training in cardio sessions. Add bodyweight exercises like push-ups, pull-ups, and planks. You do not need shit tons of equipment to get ripped. Body weight exercises when done properly are plenty effective!

Mental Health:

Begin a daily meditation practice, starting with 10 minutes a day and gradually increasing. Start a daily journal. Write about the absurdities that have krept into your life and how well (or poorly) you managed them each day. Come up with ways you could have done things better.

Education:

– “12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos” by Jordan B. Peterson – Provides life advice through essays on abstract ethical principles. This book is an ass kicker, but get through it!
– “The Way of the Superior Man” by David Deida – Explores the most important issues in men’s lives from a masculine perspective.
– “No More Mr. Nice Guy” by Robert A. Glover – Addresses the ‘Nice Guy Syndrome’ and finding personal happiness.
– “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor E. Frankl – A memoir about surviving the Holocaust and finding significance in all forms of existence.
– “Iron John: A Book About Men” by Robert Bly – Explores myths and cultural expectations surrounding masculinity.
– “Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win” by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin – Teaches leadership principles from a military perspective, emphasizing responsibility and discipline.
– “Come as You Are” by Emily Nagoski – This book is written more for women, but it is incredibly useful in understanding your partner’s potential lack of desire.

Continuous Development

These are just a few ideas to get your started. Supplement and add to our list above; this should be seen as the beginning of a lifelong journey of growth and self-discovery. Along with this, remember the importance of communication and mutual understanding in your relationships.

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Eye for An Eye? The Power of Forgiveness

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We’ve all heard the saying, “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.” While it might sound like a catchy slogan for anti-revenge campaigns, there’s a profound message stitched into these simple words. In an age where retaliation is often glorified, this article explores the transformative power of forgiveness, and why letting go might be the most visionary thing you can do.

A World of Closed Eyes

Picture this: You’re walking down a metaphorical street where everyone’s running around poking each other’s eyes out. Not exactly a fun block party, is it? But that’s exactly what we’re attending every time we engage in a circle of vengeance. Revenge may offer the illusion of justice, but it’s often just a Ponzi scheme of pain, with everyone losing in the end.

The Myth of “Closure”

Many people believe revenge will bring them peace, or at least, closure. In reality, retribution often only satisfies us momentarily, like a sugar rush that leaves us crashing later. Forgiveness, on the other hand, is the balanced meal of the soul—nutritious and long-lasting.

The Science of Letting Go

Studies show that forgiveness is not just good for the soul, but it’s beneficial for the body as well. Research from the Mayo Clinic suggests that letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for compassion, kindness, and peace. Forgiveness can lead to lower stress levels, lower blood pressure, and a stronger immune system. In a way, forgiveness is like a health supplement for your emotional and physical well-being.

The Prisoner’s Dilemma

Holding a grudge is like swallowing a poison pill and expecting the other person to die. The only person you’re hurting is yourself. Being unable to forgive is akin to being held prisoner in your own mind, and it’s a cell with very high rent.

The Gandhian Perspective

Mahatma Gandhi, who is believed to have popularized the notion of “an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind,” also led a nonviolent movement that eventually ousted the British from India. Had he adhered to a philosophy of revenge, history might have looked very different. By adopting a policy of forgiveness and nonviolence, Gandhi not only freed a nation but also demonstrated the transformative power of letting go.

The Daily Practice of Forgiveness

Forgiveness isn’t a one-time event but a daily practice. And no, it’s not just about forgiving others; it’s also about forgiving yourself. Holding onto guilt is the emotional equivalent of holding onto a hot coal. Unless you want permanent scars, it’s best to let it go.

Yes, there will be times when an “eye for an eye” seems justified. It’s the primal instinct that shouts for retribution and revenge. But remember, the cycle of revenge has no GPS, and you’ll just keep going around in circles until you choose a different path. As someone wise once said, “The first to apologize is the bravest, the first to forgive is the strongest, and the first to forget is the happiest.” So, why not choose to see the bigger picture instead of becoming part of a world that’s blind?

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Navigating the Vanguard Universe: VT, VTI, and VXUS—Which Is Right for You?

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In the realm of investing, the brand ‘Vanguard’ has become synonymous with low-cost, high-quality index funds. Their offerings like VT, VTI, and VXUS have gained almost cult-like followings among passive investors. Yet, despite the fame of these funds, they serve different investment goals, and understanding these distinctions can be pivotal in sculpting your portfolio.

The Funds Unpacked

Before diving into the pros and cons, let’s decode what these acronyms stand for.

  • VT: Vanguard Total World Stock ETF
  • VTI: Vanguard Total Stock Market ETF
  • VXUS: Vanguard Total International Stock ETF

What Do They Invest In?

  • VT: A one-stop-shop for global equity exposure. VT encapsulates the entire world’s stock markets, including the U.S. and international equities.
  • VTI: This ETF focuses on the U.S. stock market from large-cap to small-cap companies. Think of it as a snapshot of Wall Street.
  • VXUS: This fund is the international counterpart to VTI, offering exposure to all countries except the United States.

Risk and Return: Diversification Matters

  • VT: Since VT combines both U.S. and global markets, it’s like having a bit of VTI and VXUS in one package. It’s diversified but still subject to the whims of global economics.
  • VTI: U.S.-centric, which means it’s a little more volatile than a global mix but also reaps the benefits of a strong U.S. market.
  • VXUS: Risk and returns can vary based on global market conditions, but having international exposure can hedge against a downturn in the U.S. market.

Cost Considerations

All three funds are relatively cost-efficient, but there are slight variations in their expense ratios. At the time of this writing, VTI had an expense ratio of 0.03%, VXUS was at 0.07%, and VT was at 0.07%. While these differences may seem minor, they can add up in the long run, especially for larger portfolios.

Tax Efficiency

Tax laws can be labyrinthine, and I’m no tax advisor, but broadly speaking, all three funds are fairly tax-efficient due to their ETF structure. However, owning international stocks (as in VT and VXUS) can lead to foreign tax withholding, which might impact your returns.

Why Pick One Over the Other?

  • Simplicity: If you want to set it and forget it, VT offers a one-stop solution for global equity exposure.
  • Geographic Preference: If you have a bullish outlook on the U.S., VTI is your guy. If you’re looking to diversify away from Uncle Sam, say hello to VXUS.
  • Customization: Want to tailor your U.S. to international ratio? Combining VTI and VXUS gives you that flexibility.
  • Cost: If you’re a stickler for fees, VTI has the lowest expense ratio.

Conclusion

Your investment choice between VT, VTI, and VXUS should align with your risk tolerance, investment goals, and belief in the future performance of global vs. U.S. markets. While each fund offers its own set of advantages, the right choice for you might even be a blend of these options. As always, consult a financial advisor for personalized advice tailored to your unique financial situation.

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The Definition of Hell: Meeting Your Potential

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The great motivators of our time have all spoken about the power of potential. They’ve emphasized that within each of us lies a dormant force so compelling that, if tapped, it could lead us to achievements beyond our wildest dreams. But what if there was an alternative perspective, one where the concept of ‘potential’ takes on a more ominous tone? What if, as the statement goes, the definition of hell is dying and meeting the person you could have become?

Let’s pause here and consider the weight of that thought. I know, it sounds like the plot of a Twilight Zone episode that Rod Serling forgot to write. But stick with me.


The Heavenly Hellfire of Regret

Hell isn’t just a concept of fire and brimstone; it’s the agony of unrealized potential. It’s the pain of looking back on your life and recognizing the moments you shied away from risk, the times you chose comfort over challenge, or the instances you let fear dictate your decisions. If this isn’t a wake-up call wrapped in a fire alarm at 3 a.m., I don’t know what is.

The idea isn’t to scare you into action but to ignite a fire that makes you question the trajectory of your current path. It’s a bit like having a guardian devil instead of a guardian angel, whispering not-so-sweet nothings like, “Hey, are you sure you want to binge another Netflix series when you could be learning the guitar?” or “How about swapping that doughnut for a dumbbell?”

The Tale of Two You’s

Imagine meeting this person you could have become. They speak several languages, wrote that book you always said you would, started a charity, and basically lived your dream life. Meeting them isn’t about jealousy; it’s about realization. Realization that the same 24 hours were available to both versions of you. One chose to make them count, the other didn’t.

Making Heaven Out of Hell

So, how can we transform this notion of hell into a slice of heavenly motivation? The first step is taking an inventory of your life. Where are you now? Where could you be? Then work on closing that gap one day at a time. Every day is a new opportunity to diverge from a path leading to regret.

The Antidote to Regret: Action

The beauty of this concept is that it urges you into action. It fosters a sense of urgency that can be your greatest ally. Unlike the procrastination demon who whispers, “There’s always tomorrow,” this guardian devil screams, “What if there is no tomorrow?”

Humor Me: The Ultimate Choice

In the grand comedy that is life, we’re all stumbling and improvising our way through scenes, hoping for a few laughs and maybe a standing ovation at the end. But what if the real choice is between being a lead actor or an understudy in your own life story?

Imagine a curtain call in the theater of life where you’re greeted not just by applause, but by the person you could have become. Would they be giving you a standing ovation or a facepalm? The answer to that question, my friends, is the difference between a life well-lived and one mired in ‘what-ifs’.

So let’s make a pact, shall we? A pact to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield until we’re either living our potential or darn close to it. That way, when the time comes for that all-important meeting, it won’t be a journey to hell but rather a heavenly affirmation that we squeezed every last drop out of this thing called life.

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Theodore Roosevelt: The Man in the Arena

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In the annals of history, few speeches have had the staying power to inspire generations long after they were first delivered. One such oration is Theodore Roosevelt’s Sorbonne speech, also commonly known as “Citizenship in a Republic,” delivered on April 23, 1910. More than just a historical artifact, this speech is a masterclass in the art of motivational rhetoric, a stirring call to action for anyone who believes in taking an active role in their community and nation.

Roosevelt, the 26th President of the United States, didn’t merely stand at the podium and deliver words; he stood as an embodiment of the ideals he proclaimed. Delivered in the hallowed halls of the Sorbonne in Paris, France, the speech was a bold testament to the philosophy that Roosevelt had lived by, a credo emphasizing the importance of courage, character, and citizenship. Its message resonates as deeply today as it did over a century ago, serving as a timeless reminder that in the “arena” of life, the credit belongs to those who are willing to throw their hats in the ring, face failure, and strive valiantly.

In a world frequently beset by armchair critics and keyboard warriors, Roosevelt’s words ring truer than ever: It’s not the critic who counts, but the one in the arena “whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood.” The speech is a clarion call, urging each of us to embrace our own arenas—whether they be in politics, business, art, or any other endeavor—while living out the virtues of hard work, perseverance, and, above all, daring greatly.

So, let’s venture back in time to that fateful day in Paris, and immerse ourselves in the wisdom of one of America’s most iconic leaders. Because, after all, who better to guide us through the arena of life than the Rough Rider himself, Theodore Roosevelt?

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

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Vince Lombardi: What It Takes to Be Number One

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Let’s shine the spotlight on a man who made grit, determination, and an unwavering pursuit of excellence as American as apple pie. The epitome of tenacity, a titan in the world of football, and the man who practically redefined what it meant to be a coach – the one, the only, Vince Lombardi.

Born in Brooklyn, New York, in 1913, Lombardi began his journey in the world of sports not on the field but in the clergy, intending to become a Catholic priest. But, as destiny would have it, his love for the gridiron prevailed, and the world of football was forever changed.

Lombardi’s coaching style was akin to a symphony conductor with a relentless tempo, and his football field was the grand stage where he orchestrated some of the most memorable performances in the history of the sport. As head coach of the Green Bay Packers, he transformed a losing team into consecutive NFL championship winners, setting a gold standard of excellence that remains a benchmark in the sport to this day.

But Lombardi was more than just an extraordinary coach. He was a molder of character, an inspirer of men, a man who believed that football, like life, demanded nothing less than total commitment. His words, “Winning isn’t everything; it’s the only thing” are not just about sports, they encapsulate his approach to life itself.

Let’s take a look at one of his most famous quotations below. A speech whose meaning extends far beyond the football field and into the very heart of what it means to strive, to persist, and to be successful at life.

What It Takes to be Number One
Vince Lombardi

Winning is not a sometime thing; it’s an all the time thing. You don’t win once in a while; you don’t do things right once in a while; you do them right all of the time. Winning is a habit. Unfortunately, so is losing.

There is no room for second place. There is only one place in my game, and that’s first place. I have finished second twice in my time at Green Bay, and I don’t ever want to finish second again. There is a second place bowl game, but it is a game for losers played by losers. It is and always has been an American zeal to be first in anything we do, and to win, and to win, and to win.

Every time a football player goes to ply his trade he’s got to play from the ground up – from the soles of his feet right up to his head. Every inch of him has to play. Some guys play with their heads. That’s O.K. You’ve got to be smart to be number one in any business. But more importantly, you’ve got to play with your heart, with every fiber of your body. If you’re lucky enough to find a guy with a lot of head and a lot of heart, he’s never going to come off the field second.

Running a football team is no different than running any other kind of organization – an army, a political party or a business. The principles are the same. The object is to win – to beat the other guy. Maybe that sounds hard or cruel. I don’t think it is.

It is a reality of life that men are competitive and the most competitive games draw the most competitive men. That’s why they are there – to compete. The object is to win fairly, squarely, by the rules – but to win.

And in truth, I’ve never known a man worth his salt who in the long run, deep down in his heart, didn’t appreciate the grind, the discipline. There is something in good men that really yearns for discipline and the harsh reality of head to head combat.

I don’t say these things because I believe in the ‘brute’ nature of men or that men must be brutalized to be combative. I believe in God, and I believe in human decency. But I firmly believe that any man’s finest hour — his greatest fulfillment to all he holds dear — is that moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle – victorious.

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Flirting with Failure: Let’s Tango with the Unsung Hero of Success

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Once upon a time in a world obsessed with success, I committed an unthinkable act – I failed! I slipped on the banana peel of life and fell flat on my face. It wasn’t pretty, and I can still hear the metaphorical canned laughter echoing in the background. But guess what? It was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Best thing? Is this guy for real?” Let me tell you, I’m as real as the shiner you get from walking into a door. And equally illuminating. Here’s why failing is the secret sauce to success and why it’s time we start seeing failure as a mentor dressed in wolf’s clothing.

First off, failure is an excellent teacher – albeit a slightly sadistic one. It’s like that strict math teacher who never let you use a calculator. It was tough, and fractions were the bane of your existence, but when you finally got the hang of it, it felt like a eureka moment. Failure makes success taste sweeter, kind of like how you appreciate warm sunny days after a cold winter.

Moreover, failure is the universe’s way of saying, “Wrong way, Einstein.” It’s like a cosmic GPS that redirects you when you’re heading down a dead-end. So, you didn’t land your dream job? Perhaps it’s the world nudging you towards your real passion – interpretive dance or competitive cheese rolling. Who knows? The world works in mysterious ways.

Let’s not forget that some of the most successful people in history were well-acquainted with failure. Take Thomas Edison, for instance. He failed a thousand times before he invented the light bulb. And when asked about his failures, he brilliantly quipped, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Now, there’s a guy who knew how to two-step with failure!

On a less historical note, consider this: every time you fall flat on your face, you’re one step closer to tripping over success. Or as I like to say, “I’m not clumsy; I’m unexpectedly gravity-friendly. And each time gravity and I become pals, I get back up stronger.”

So, the next time you stumble, take a moment to high-five failure. Thank it for the lessons, the redirection, and the humility it brings. Remember, a diamond is just a piece of coal that handled stress exceptionally well, and so are you. Don’t be afraid to flirt with failure, because when you dance with disaster, you’re just a twirl away from triumph.

Failure isn’t the monster under your bed; it’s the fairy godmother of success in a slightly scary mask. So embrace it, learn from it, and most importantly, laugh with it. After all, failure might just be the best thing that ever happens to you.

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INSPIRATION: An Acronym for Success

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I – Intention: Set clear goals and intentions for what you want to achieve.
N – Nurture: Nurture your skills and passions, allowing them to grow and evolve.
S – Strength: Lean on your inner strength during challenging times.
P – Perseverance: Keep going, even when things get tough.
I – Innovation: Always be open to new ideas and ways of doing things.
R – Resilience: Learn to bounce back from setbacks and difficulties.
A – Attitude: Maintain a positive and optimistic outlook.
T – Tenacity: Show determination and grit in the face of obstacles.
I – Inspiration: Seek inspiration from others and aim to inspire those around you.
O – Opportunity: Be ready to seize opportunities when they present themselves.
N – Nourish: Nourish your mind and body to stay healthy and focused.

So, every time you think of INSPIRATION, remember these guiding principles to help keep you motivated and on track towards your goals.

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Spiraling into Control: A Guide to Steering Your Personal Tornado

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Most of us are familiar with the phrase “spiraling out of control”, often used to describe a disastrous situation or a person’s life going off the rails. But what if I told you that you could flip the script and instead start “spiraling into control”? It’s like saying you’re going to “fall up” or start “failing successfully.” Let’s delve into this topsy-turvy concept and explore ways to harness the power of the spiral!

First things first, let’s try to visualize spiraling into control. Imagine a tornado, but instead of wreaking havoc, it’s sucking up all the mess in its path and leaving behind a trail of order. That’s you, my friend, the human tornado of productivity and self-control. You’re no longer dispersing energy in a million directions; instead, you’re channeling it towards your goals.

So, how can we transform into a force of nature that spirals into control? Here are a few fun steps to get your vortex going:

Embrace the Whirlwind: Your life might seem chaotic, but there’s a pattern hidden in the pandemonium. Find that pattern and harness it. For example, if you notice that your creativity peaks at odd hours, adjust your schedule accordingly. Use the chaos, don’t fight it.

The Eye of the Storm: The center of a tornado is surprisingly calm. Similarly, amidst the hustle and bustle of life, find your ‘eye of the storm’, your place of tranquility. It could be through meditation, reading a book, or watching cat videos on the internet – whatever brings you peace.

Spiraling into Control

Spiral Goal-setting: Instead of linear goals, consider spiral goal setting. Visualize your objectives as a spiral, where you circle around the goal, getting closer with each round. Each step is progress, even if it seems you’re treading the same path.

Spin it to Win it: Got a setback? Spin it into a lesson. Failed at a task? Spin it into an opportunity to learn. Spin your experiences, both positive and negative, into stepping stones toward success.

Ride the Wind: Don’t resist change! Instead, use it to fuel your tornado. Adapt and pivot when needed, and you’ll find yourself moving forward even when you’re going in circles.

So next time when life feels like an unwieldy cyclone, remember that you can still spiral into control. Channel your inner tornado and turn the whirlwind of life into a dance. After all, life might be a tempest, but who says you can’t be the maestro of the storm?

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